I Ate 9 Instant Ramen Brands in One Week So You Never Have to Guess Again
Some people climb mountains. Some people run marathons. We ate nine brands of instant ramen in seven days, and frankly, we deserve a plaque.
This wasn't a casual snack sesh. This was science. We built a scoring rubric, we used identical bowls, we controlled the water-to-seasoning ratio with the seriousness of a NASA launch. And yes, one of our editors is still claiming she can smell chicken-flavored sodium in her sleep.
The Official Number Nine Scoring Rubric
Every brand was judged on four categories, 10 points each, for a possible 40:
- Noodle Chew (25%) — Does it bounce back with a satisfying QQ, or does it dissolve into sad mush before you've finished your first TikTok?
- Broth Depth (25%) — Is this a broth, or is this salt water with ambition?
- MSG Magic (25%) — We say this with love: the umami fairy dust is the whole point. Don't @ us.
- Hangover-Crush Potential (25%) — Tested (allegedly) after real American occasions: tailgates, fantasy football drafts, and one unfortunate karaoke night.
Print the bracket at the bottom of this post, host your own taste-off, and settle it like adults: with sodium and petty arguments.
The Contenders, Ranked From "Why" to "Buy Stock"
9. The Dollar Store Mystery Brand
You know the one. The packaging features a bowl of noodles photographed in 1987 and a mascot that may be a shrimp or a very upset duck. The noodles cooked into a single cohesive brick. The broth tasted like the idea of chicken. A true bottom-feeder, but at three packs for a dollar, it earns a grudging respect — like a gas station hot dog.
8. The Cup With the Fork Inside
Convenience royalty, quality peasant. The noodle-to-broth ratio is broken because the fill line is a lie. Still, there's a version of this cup in every office break room in America, and sometimes survival matters more than excellence.
7. The Big Blue Pack Your College Roommate Lived On
Reliable, cheap, everywhere. The noodle chew is fine. The broth is fine. Everything is fine. This is the vanilla ice cream of instant ramen, and sometimes vanilla is exactly what 2 a.m. requires.
6. The Spicy One Everyone Dares Each Other to Eat
Genuinely delicious for the first six bites. Then it becomes a test of character. Bonus points for making our editor question her life choices on camera.
5. The Premium Shelf Spot
Beautiful packaging. Air-dried noodles that actually have texture. A broth with real depth. Docked points only because it costs as much as a small car (okay, $2.50, but we're dramatic).
4. The Thai-Style Cult Favorite
The seasoning packets here are doing something illegal. Tom yum vibes, bright lime, a chili oil packet you'll want to bottle and sell at farmers markets. Loses points because the noodle cake is thin enough to read a newspaper through.
3. The Vietnamese-Import Dark Horse
Found in the international aisle, overlooked by the masses. Rice noodles, aggressive cilantro notes, a broth so aromatic your roommates will come out of their rooms to investigate. The sleeper pick of the entire test.
2. The Korean Heavyweight
Thick, chewy noodles with actual pull. The broth is rich, slightly smoky, and unapologetically bold. Add an egg and some scallions and you've got a legitimate meal that would impress a date. A date who settles, but still.
1. The Champion: The Japanese Icon
You knew it was coming. The noodle chew is elite — springy, wavy, built to grab broth. The soup base has layers, like an onion, if onions were delicious. It took the hangover category in a landslide, restoring a test subject to functioning-human status in under ten minutes. Bow down.
Make It a Party
Download our printable bracket, grab eight to sixteen brands, and invite your most opinionated friends. Blind taste tests optional but highly recommended — watching someone confidently rank the mystery duck brand first is comedy gold.
Agree? Outraged? Defend your favorite in the comments. We read every single one, usually while eating ramen.
